Pfft, Chuck Norris could beat them all…
here’s more proof.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
because he has run out of women.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds
till.” After you ask, “Two seconds till what?” he roundhouse kicks you
in the face.
Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more
pirates to him.
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high
school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the
referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child.
Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then
proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
“Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back
five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw
it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry
sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a
roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck
Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Those aren’t credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually
a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that
If you unscramble the letters in “Chuck Norris” you get “Huck corn,
sir.” That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the
entire state down.
Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke
the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while
she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he
grew a beard.
Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.
Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
Crop circles are Chuck’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn
needs to lie the fsck down.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records
it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and that those
listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck allows
Chuck played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and
instead requests a handgun and a bucket.
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.[/quote:90e58d888b]