Chuck norris? pshaw!
Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is
folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the
situation, he is always understood.
Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then
There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going
Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked
Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80’s.
23. That’s the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has
taken you to read this sentence.
Mr. T’s pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of
the concept of infinity.
You have only seen Mr. T in human form. In Narnia, he is a T. Rex with a
lion’s tail hanging out of his mouth.
Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That’s why he can only kick through doors.
Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.
Mr. T’s edition of the VH1 show ‘Where Are They Now’ was the shortest in
the show’s history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black
screen with the words “Right Behind You” written on it.
Mr. T once rocked the Casbah. Which explains why there is no longer a
Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.
In 1995, Mr. T was diagnosed with B-cell lymphoma but he pitied his own
fool cells until the disease turned into T-cell lymphoma. Upon closer
inspection by doctors, the cancerous T-cells now had mohawks, gold
chains around their nucleus and were tired of the other cell’s jibba-jabba.
The last time Mr. T went to McDonald’s, Ronald McDonald greeted him.
What occurred next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever
recorded in human history.
Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is
around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.
Mr. T was the first to kill two birds with one stone. He kept the stone,
and as of now it has killed 6,048.
Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.
Mr. T’s incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his
genetic code doesn’t have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact,
nothing but T’s.
Remember when Mr. T wasn’t so popular and awesome? Me neither.
They say when a bear is chasing a group of people, you don’t have to
outrun the bear, but only have to be faster than the slowest person. If
Mr. T is chasing you, you’re dead no matter what.
Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then
proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.
It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.
Mr. T’s sperm is so strong it could impregnate a man.
The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T’s neck was a
much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.
Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to
prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.
Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That’s 100 fools pitied a second.
On all 3428 instances it occurred, when Mr. T and Chuck Norris both
‘deflower’ the same woman, the resulting spermal battles have caused the
woman’s uterus to explode in a flurry of pity and roundhouse kicks.
Mr. T doesn’t have internal organs. He had them removed to make more
room for muscle.