My girlfriend sent me this in an email, and I thought of you guys…
Some important information concerning the ‘Hoff…
1. David Hasselhoff is permanently 27.
2. David Hasselhoff once walked down the street with a massive erection.
There were no survivors.
3. There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures David Hasselhoff allows to live.
4. When David Hasselhoff was born, the nurse said, “Holy shit!
That’s David Hasselhoff!” Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
5. When David Hasselhoff goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
6. In an average living room, there are 1,242 objects David Hasselhoff could use to kill you, including the room itself.
7. The popular video-game “Doom” is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two quid from David Hasselhoff and forgot to pay him back.
8. David Hasselhoff can count backwards from infinity.
9. Crop circles are David’s way of telling the world that ‘sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.’
10. When David Hasselhoff jumps into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet.
The water gets David instead.
11. David Hasselhoff is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
12. David Hasselhoff can divide by zero.
13. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by David Hasselhoff, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
14. David Hasselhoff can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass.
15. You are what you eat. That is why David Hasselhoff diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
16. David Hasselhoff once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his “Filet of Child” sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
17. David Hasselhoff played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
18. If you were to lock David Hasselhoff in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy’s.
When asked why he doesn’t do this David replied “Because Grammys are for queers.” Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
19. On his birthday, David Hasselhoff randomly selects one lucky puppy to be thrown into the sun.
20. David Hasselhoff doesn’t believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his dick in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
21. When David Hasselhoff does a push-up, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
22. Whenever David Hasselhoff puts out a cigarette, he throws it in slow motion into a long line of gasoline and calmly walks away as an inferno erupts behind him.
23. David Hasselhoff invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
24. David Hasselhoff coined the phrase, “I could eat a Horse”
after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
25. David Hasselhoff haunts Freddy Krueger’s nightmares.
26. The eternal conundrum “what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object” was finally solved when David Hasselhoff punched himself in the face