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This topic contains 14 replies, has 7 voices, and was last updated by  catbert 12 years ago.

  • Author
    Posts
  • #4852

    Skyclad
    Participant

    His name can be spoken once again on these forums.

    But remember, overuse or abuse of his name remains forbidden, on pain of the return of “Pete’s german singer fetish”.

    Any criminal or unsociable activity by members of the Hoff supporters club, Hoffaholics anonymous or other subversive organisations will as always result in strict penalties.

    Dave

  • #28073

    lk_
    Participant

    MacGyver is so much cooler.

    /me runs for the hills

  • #28075

    Skyclad
    Participant

    He’s no Vin Diesel

  • #28076

    gizmo
    Participant

    Pfft, Chuck Norris could beat them all…

    *roundhouse kick*

    When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, ‘Don’t worry about it honey,’ and went into his backyard. He came
    back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, ‘Never question Chuck Norris.'[/quote:e439cba8d6]

  • #28077

    Nooptical
    Participant

    McGuyver is gay apparently……

  • #28078

    gizmo
    Participant

    Hrm, should have known…only a gay guy could possibly make a bomb out of a pen, an elastic band and a paper clip…

  • #28079

    lk_
    Participant

    Seriously?? Does explain some his fruitier inventions

  • #28080

    dillon
    Participant

    Pfft, Chuck Norris could beat them all…
    [/quote:90e58d888b]

    Fact!

    here’s more proof.

    When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but
    because he has run out of women.

    Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the
    information he wants.

    If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, “Two seconds
    till.” After you ask, “Two seconds till what?” he roundhouse kicks you
    in the face.

    Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

    Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related
    deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

    There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

    There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

    It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
    pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more
    pirates to him.

    Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high
    school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the
    referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child.
    Chuck roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then
    proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

    The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

    When Chuck Norris’s wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said,
    “Don’t worry about it honey,” and went into his backyard. He came back
    five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw
    it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry
    sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a
    roundhouse kick to the face and said, “Never question Chuck Norris.”

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck
    Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

    Those aren’t credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually
    a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that
    day.

    If you unscramble the letters in “Chuck Norris” you get “Huck corn,
    sir.” That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the
    entire state down.

    Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

    Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke
    the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while
    she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

    Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
    decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he
    grew a beard.

    Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK
    assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his
    beard, deflecting them. JFK’s head exploded out of sheer amazement.

    Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and
    saying “booya”.

    Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

    Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
    “Bang!”

    Crop circles are Chuck’s way of telling the world that sometimes corn
    needs to lie the fsck down.

    In fine print at on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records
    it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and that those
    listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to
    matching him.

    There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck allows
    to live.

    Chuck played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.

    When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and
    instead requests a handgun and a bucket.

    Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.[/quote:90e58d888b]

  • #28084

    Skyclad
    Participant

    That may be all well and good, but does Chuck Norris
    (a) Control the fate of the universe and
    (b) Own a games studio?

    Dave

  • #28088

    gizmo
    Participant

    Of course he owns the universe…he is the ultimate good and look what he did to evil…

    Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.[/quote:a06b61d624]

  • #28090

    Nooptical
    Participant

    unparalleled martial arts ability[/quote:cea3c5157f]

    HAH!

  • #28091

    gizmo
    Participant

    One of my favourites…

    Chuck Chuck Norris appeared in the “Street Fighter II” video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this “glitch,” Norris replied, “That’s no glitch.”[/quote:f2d1f04cce]

    :D

  • #28092

    Nooptical
    Participant

    Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
    decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. Shortly thereafter he
    grew a beard[/quote:e2fed0366a]

    Hahah :D

  • #28096

    kyotokid
    Keymaster

    Those are fecking ace!

  • #28163

    catbert
    Participant

    Chuck norris? pshaw!

    Mr. T speaks only when necessary. His main form of communication is
    folding his arms and slowly shaking his head. And regardless of the
    situation, he is always understood.

    Mr. T invented fools. Realizing the magnitude of his folly, he then
    created Pity.

    There are only four horsemen of the apocalypse, because Mr. T is going
    to walk.

    Mr.T once punched Chuck Norris at the exact moment he roundhouse kicked
    Mr.T in the chest. the result was the 80’s.

    23. That’s the number of people Mr. T has pitied in the time it has
    taken you to read this sentence.

    Mr. T’s pity for fools is used by mathematicians as a demonstration of
    the concept of infinity.

    You have only seen Mr. T in human form. In Narnia, he is a T. Rex with a
    lion’s tail hanging out of his mouth.

    Mr. T is allergic to doorknobs. That’s why he can only kick through doors.

    Mr. T once pitied the sun. An ice age followed.

    Mr. T’s edition of the VH1 show ‘Where Are They Now’ was the shortest in
    the show’s history. It was 10 seconds long, and consisted of a black
    screen with the words “Right Behind You” written on it.

    Mr. T once rocked the Casbah. Which explains why there is no longer a
    Casbah.

    Behind every great man, there is a great woman. Behind that woman is Mr. T.

    In 1995, Mr. T was diagnosed with B-cell lymphoma but he pitied his own
    fool cells until the disease turned into T-cell lymphoma. Upon closer
    inspection by doctors, the cancerous T-cells now had mohawks, gold
    chains around their nucleus and were tired of the other cell’s jibba-jabba.

    The last time Mr. T went to McDonald’s, Ronald McDonald greeted him.
    What occurred next proved to be the most violent beating of a clown ever
    recorded in human history.

    Despite popular belief, if there is a fool in the woods, and nobody is
    around to hear his jibba jabba, Mr. T is still able to pity him.

    Mr. T was the first to kill two birds with one stone. He kept the stone,
    and as of now it has killed 6,048.

    Mr. T was fired from the Psychic Friends Network for always predicting pain.

    Mr. T’s incredible greatness has been attributed to the fact that his
    genetic code doesn’t have any A, G, or C. His genetic code is in fact,
    nothing but T’s.

    Remember when Mr. T wasn’t so popular and awesome? Me neither.

    They say when a bear is chasing a group of people, you don’t have to
    outrun the bear, but only have to be faster than the slowest person. If
    Mr. T is chasing you, you’re dead no matter what.

    Every time Mr. T pities the fool, a pornstar regains her virginity. Then
    proceeds to lose it to Mr. T.

    It took five women 2 years to give birth to Mr. T.

    Mr. T’s sperm is so strong it could impregnate a man.

    The United States Federal Reserve Bank decided that Mr. T’s neck was a
    much safer place for their gold than Fort Knox.

    Mr. T made his van go twice the speed of light because he wanted to
    prove that quantum physics was a bunch of jibba jabba.

    Mr. T was once clocked at 100 fps. That’s 100 fools pitied a second.

    On all 3428 instances it occurred, when Mr. T and Chuck Norris both
    ‘deflower’ the same woman, the resulting spermal battles have caused the
    woman’s uterus to explode in a flurry of pity and roundhouse kicks.

    Mr. T doesn’t have internal organs. He had them removed to make more
    room for muscle.

    [/quote:f0af09e2bf]

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